10 Times Corporations Monetized the #Resistance

Political marketing is going way, way too far.

What was the mainstream corporate left’s answer to their 2016 defeat? Creating a new cottage industry of #resistance capitalism to take advantage of their supporter’s angsty feelings, of course. . . I mean really, what else was there to do?

1. Guilty Men wine, in both white and red, from Malivoire. This wine promises redemption for men who feel guilty about their “privilege.” In reality, it will be bought by scores of college women who don’t know the difference between a Chardonnay and a Merlot, and need to sit around discussing why their man isn’t texting them back.


2.  Smirnoff, avaricious as ever, attempts to profit from the recent Russia mania. Sorry, Smirnoff, but we’re henceforth only buying Tito’s, which is made in a safely red state. No, not that kind of red, so keep your bad Russian jokes to yourself.


3. That time the Fearless Wall Street Girl wore a Wonder Woman tiara. . . as an advertisement for the recently released Wonder Woman film.


4. Who could forget the tone-deaf Pepsi ad, featuring Kendall Jenner, that tried to capitalize on Black Lives Matter?


5. And how about these nipples…?


6. You can break the glass ceiling and avoid pussy-grabbers in these magical undergarments from Thinx.


7. Or be, uh, unfashionable in this Bernie Sanders fashion line created by Balenciaga. These clothes debuted at Paris fashion week. A replica Bernie scarf goes for $500. A jacket? $2,500. The t-shirt? Up to $400! Come on people, show your 99% pride!

8. NK3 by Michael Tolkin—the cover of this dystopian/post-apocalyptic novel about war with North Korea calls it “the first book of the Trump era.”


9. Ben & Jerry trying to sell ice cream on Inauguration day.


10. The Morton Salt Girl leaves her post to put on red, the official color of the day without a woman protest.


BONUS: This ludicrous claim that fidget spinners were invented to help forge peace in the Middle East.