Failed Elites

8 GOP Insiders Whose Sudden Weight Gain Will Concern You

1. Governor Chris Christie (R-NJ), who has recently backslid a great deal from his pre-presidential campaign health commitments


2. Former 2012 VP shortlist candidate Christopher James Christie, seen here luxuriating on one of New Jersey’s many private/public beaches


3. New York City metropolitan area resident and onetime national GOP influencer, Mr. C. J. Christie throws out a ceremonial little league pitch


4. Pictured below at an elegant function held exclusively for GOP insiders is C. James Christie, Esq., distinguished former member of the Morris County Board of Chosen Freeholders


5. We are also concerned about a onetime Trump transition team member and emeritus GOP insider who for reasons of pending litigation we can only refer to as “Christopher”


6. Former registered lobbyist, probably-a-Republican, and certainly-not-a-Princeton-alum Chris James Christie rounds out number six on our list, strutting in tasteful pleats


7. Clocking in at seven is Mendham, NJ denizen Christopher C., known for closing lanes on various local bridges, at least allegedly*

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8. Closing out our list is the 2017 cast of Jersey Shore, GOP insiders to the last man


*Yeah it’s real.